One step at a time _{by Madelaine Empson}

Justine Thorpe is about to walk El Camino de Santiago in Spain to raise $50,000 for Wellington Free Ambulance, the region’s only free emergency ambulance service, in honour of her late partner and soulmate Michael. I sat down with the CEO of Tū Ora Compass Health to talk about the fundraiser, which is not only her tribute to Michael, but a call for greater transparency and compassion in the way our systems support those in mourning. If you’d like to help, you can search Justine’s page ‘800km for Gratitude’ at www.givealittle.co.nz

What led you to decide to raise funds for Wellington Free Ambulance?

On the 8^th of December in 2023, my partner of 15 years, Michael, passed away after a very tragic and traumatic accident while he was riding his motorbike on his way to help a friend who was having a few mental health challenges. It’s all still under the coronial process, but unfortunately, he and a tractor collided, and he lost his life at the scene. I’m wanting to acknowledge Wellington Free for a couple of reasons. Firstly, their flawless care to help him, which I know – I’ve got all the records. He initially survived. Based on his injuries, he was probably never going to survive, even though he fought for an hour and 45 minutes. I just want to acknowledge the care that the paramedics gave him that day.

And then throughout the process, I’ve obviously had to deal with lots of agencies. Police, WorkSafe, the coronial process, and there was, initially, this big void of information for me. I can say this too: initially the story we were told by police – about how it played out that afternoon, how the accident occurred – was an incorrect story. I was left with that for three months. It didn’t make sense to me at all, because Michael had ridden a motorcycle for about four decades, and then a witness reached out to me. She was the lady who stayed with him until he passed. She was the only witness who saw it, because he’d left a message for me. He told her to tell me that he loved me. I always think of that: he was so injured, but he still managed to get that out.

So, she told me what she witnessed, which was contradictory to what I’d been told. Of course, that got me setting it in motion. Thinking, actually, what happened here? The coronial process takes so long. Wellington Free would do this for anyone, but because of my job, I meet with them regularly. I’d sort of come back to work by that stage, and they said to me, ‘As next of kin, you can get all the details of what happened – what treatment we gave him, and all the rest of it’. That’s what I did, and I had so many unanswered questions. I still do now, but ones like, was he in pain? Were they delayed getting in? Could things have been different? That would have still been in my head if I hadn’t had that offer. When I did go in to meet with them, they just treated me with such kindness and compassion. It was a very empowering process. I was able to learn that he wasn’t in pain for too long, and that they were on the road within two minutes. They were just totally, totally open and transparent with me. Even if they’d been delayed or something had gone wrong, I trust they would have told me. I’ve since had an apology from the police, but I’ve struggled to get information from them. Struggled with WorkSafe, so Wellington Free really stood out for me during this process. I just want to give back to them, in Michael’s honour. They’re an amazing organisation. They face such traumatic things, and they still turn up. They’re heroes every day.

Why have you chosen to walk the Camino for your fundraising efforts?

Good question [chuckles]. There’s sort of three parts to it. I’ve heard that it’s a very spiritual and healing journey and a time for reflection. I’m self-funding the trip, because it is for me as well, right? It’s a chance to detach myself for a while and just go on that journey. What I’m doing, it’s very much something Michael would do. He was a really physically fit and mentally strong person, and he’d probably be thinking, golly gosh, she’s really doing this [laughs]. So, I want to do some reflection for me, honour him and honour his life, and then – it’s 800 kilometres, so why not use it as a lever to just really fundraise for this amazing organisation? That’s why I chose the Camino.

Had the Camino resonated with you before now? Do you have friends and family who have walked it?

No, not at all. But actually, more and more people that I come across are saying, ‘I’ve done that, here’s some tips’. A lot of people have reached out – so many that I can’t meet with everyone, actually! I’m really grateful for the generosity and that people are willing to share their learnings from their journey. I’m not a hiker or a tramper – I enjoy walking and I enjoy nature, yeah, but this a real challenge for me, which I think is what I need.

What will the walk entail for you and what does your training look like till then?

I’ve booked it through Macs Adventure because I’ll be on my own, although I’ll meet lots of people on the way. I do have 24/7 support from them – I think that’s really important. I think it was important for my parents too [laughs].

My mum would be freaking out!

My dad is! So I start in September and I get to Santiago in October on Michael’s birthday. That’s the 39^th day. They say it’s 40 days, with a couple of rest days along the way. I’ve been doing a lot of extra walking to become walking fit, yoga for stretching, strength training for my legs. I’m really lucky, I’ve got a couple of people at work who are also personal trainers, so they’re giving me lots of tips and tricks too.

I’m hearing that heaps of people are rallying around you!

Absolutely, I’ve just had so much support and love and care and kindness from everywhere. It’s been amazing.

Are there any places along the trail that you feel a strong pull to?

Not at the moment, although I work with some amazing people, and one has done me up a big first-aid kit (bless her). She’s a nurse and she does a lot of tramping. She said there’s a place you can go where you can put rocks in remembrance of people. She has given me a little rock in remembrance of her dad, which I’ll take for her. Michael was really into nature. I have a few rocks and things that I can take – I haven’t decided which rock yet, but I will be placing something in honour of him.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. If you’re comfortable speaking to this, I’d like to end by asking what you’ve learned about grief on your journey so far.

I think that when it initially happens, it feels like it’s getting worse before it gets better. When I say it gets better, it never goes away, but your grief turns into this ability to see the happy moments for what they were, and an ability to realise – they’re in you, right? You were so close to them, and they’ve left such an imprint in you that they’re there with you. I will always remember my GP saying to me, ‘You will get over that mountain, but I bet you it doesn’t feel like that now’. That was about two weeks in. So maybe that’s reflective of me going on this journey – up and over.

I think the main thing is that I could have never imagined that level of grief. You just don’t see it coming. We didn’t say goodbye that morning thinking that was going to happen. But it does absolutely get better from a point of view. You start really remembering those memories and those happy times and being able to honour their life for who they were. It’s a journey, and everybody’s journey is different, but it’s just one step at a time.